It has been a long while since I’ve written anything.
Shortly after the last newsletter I moved North and found myself branching out in an entirely new life adventure. One filled with mystery, intrigue and even a man from the moon.
Planted in the midst of a valley filled with beauteous maples, towering white pines and eons-old Canadian Shield, my ‘new’ house is what I have now started calling “my construction project”.
The land and the house I bought have become my teachers – teaching me how to find peace in solitude and patience in the midst of chaos and unpredictability.
The ‘adventure’ began with cutting a small whole in the drywall to make sure there was no mold behind the wall. It went from there to rapidly discovering that nearly every major system in my ‘new house’ needed (and still needs) urgent attention. There was no insulation in many of the house walls. There were areas where the framing was rotten on the inside. There was almost no functional heating system, no functioning stove, major electrical issues throughout the house, plumbing that does not allow for a washing machine, a roof that leaks, a well the runs out of water (that was the latest adventure)… Oh and a septic system that needs replacing. On top of that there have been insurance issues, legal issues, encroachment issues, survey issues, drug issues (not mine and I won’t say more on that…).
Not knowing where to turn and knowing nothing about any of this, I have been reading and learning and calling people and researching – I have been seeking support wherever I can find it. I have spoken to many dozens of trades people, lawyers, surveyors, friends and anyone kind enough to share their time and knowledge.
There have been tears, and moments of frustrated hopelessness.
And then something happened…there was a turning point.
The inner shift happened one morning when I woke up feeling a complete void of support. For several days I had been feeling heavy, immobilized and overwhelmed by the mountain of tasks I’d been avoiding that involved heavy lifting and physical labour that I was unsure if I could manage alone. No one was going to rescue me. In that moment I decided I had to make an inner shift. I decided that I was going to know with my entire being that life was supporting me no matter what happened. I was going to know that everything was absolutely perfect. It was time to give up feeling sorry for myself and to trust that everything was just as it is meant to be.
And as I allowed this knowing into my entire being, my body started to feel light, expansive and open. I was suddenly filled with energy and I got up off my meditation cushion and simply got started. I haven’t looked back. It has not been smooth sailing but more and more I am feeling joyful, the cells of my body delighting in simply being.
From this inner space, life has become unrecognizably more fun. Recently, I had a conversation with a plumber who asked me where I was from. Uncharacteristically, I felt compelled to tell him that I was from the moon. I had no idea why I was saying such a thing. Quite unexpectedly, he responded, “So am I!!”. I laughed. “You are also from the moon?”. “Yes, I from the end of the road at Moon River. We call this place The Moon”. “Ah I see. My apologies, I am not from the moon, I am from downtown Toronto” I replied. We both laughed and suddenly dealing with the complexities of unfinished plumbing seemed lighter.
I can say unequivocally that this challenge has forced me to find a depth of strength, resilience and capacity to surrender to life that I didn’t know was possible.
I also feel a profound gratitude for the land that has been holding space for me during this time of transition. I am surrounded by magnificent protective trees, wild flowers waving their scented flowers in the wind as happy bumble bees drink deeply, and forests alive with the calls and chirps of numerous birds. I know I am exactly where I need to be.
I am home.
When the time is right, I so much look forward to sharing this beautiful space with you so that you too may drink in the beauty and peace of mother earth.
Peace and love,
What a beautiful message of resilience and hope for better days as long as we surrender to our present reality. Thank you for sharing your journey.
Thank you for sharing your life lessons of faith, resilience, humour and the strength onto find joy amongst substantive challenges. They say when you are ready, a teacher will come to you. Let’s hope the same is true of trades people.
I felt so uplifted reading your post about this new chapter in your life. You are never daunted by challenges. I so look forward to the day when you will share this space. I would love to come for a visit.
All the best for the hard work that lies ahead. I loved the man from the Moon story.